Every Dangerous Moment That You Hold Dear
by mangacrack
Summary: While Sam is trying to heal from the aftermath of the apocalypse, Dean begins to comprehend that Gabriel is dangerous.


_Notes: SPN!Crowley and GO!Crowley are not the same person and messyjessy08 beta read this fic for me._

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><p>"Your brother is a nomad," Gabriel snarled before he furiously bit into his XL-candy bar again. "You can't expect him to settle down just like this when he grew up with always traveling through the country. I would damn your father to hell for the way he neglected to give Sam a real home he could remember."<p>

Dean wants to say something, anything to deny what Gabriel has said, but he has to admit his theory has it's validity.

"But..." Dean tries to reply.

Yet the images and the feelings won't form into words. Gabriel seems to understand anyway.

"It's true," Gabriel answers to Dean's unasked question. "For you, the house in Lawrence is real. You can remember it. They might be fuzzy, sun-kissed and glorified childhood memories, but they are real. Sam only ever had the Impala. A car as a home. A thing without a soul in it. Without warmth and a heartbeat to give or offer security. Any animal would have been a better parent for you two; this is alone on John Winchesters head."

Gabriel starts to finish his chocolate bar after finishing his rant, obviously trying to calm himself. Mostly since he's very damned able to travel back in time to give John Winchester a lesson he would never forget. But he is an archangel and there's the fucking responsibility not to use the cosmic powers at his disposal for little, meagre (_personal!_) things like this. Especially not when Heaven is watching him and expecting him to be an example after Michael lost his wits and allied himself with Lucifer.

"Bloody fools," Gabriel mumbles, and complains how the apocalypse is over, but the world's still not save. "Simply don't know when it's better to listen to the head."

Yet if he had done it, the Winchesters wouldn't be here right now, he would probably be dead since there's no way he would have survived the end of days without help or had found the courage to confide in Sam how he still loved Lucifer and Michael, why he would always love them, and that he would probably sell the Winchesters out in a heartbeat if it ensured his adopted parents survival.

_Beloved souls_, Gabriel thought. _Can't live without em', let alone with them._

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><p>After Gabriel had fallen silent, Dean watched.<p>

He saw the seeping anger underneath the blazing golden eyes, which were far more inhuman since Sam had stomped out of the door a few weeks ago.

The archangel now slouched deeper into the couch, one arm thrown over the backrest while his right ankle was resting on his left knee, creating a wide space which usually was occupied by Sam's head. Now Gabriel's lap look disturbingly empty, because Dean had gotten used to find Sam and Gabriel entangled together. Always touching, always a bit too close, always a bit too private for his own taste.

But right now, Dean noticed how the arm over the backrest twitched and realized that those fingers probably missed the task of combing through Sam's hair. To massage the scalp to relieve his lover of any nightmares, images or visions he was plagued with ever since Lucifer left Sam's mind wide open, when he surrendered his vessel.

Just as Gabriel constantly watched the door with burning eyes, hoping Sam would came back any moment, and cursing the fact he had sworn in his fathers name not to follow him.

"I need space, Gabriel!" Sam had said, finishing an ongoing argument since his little brother was fed up with being put into blankets when his inactivity clearly didn't help his recovery.

That was four and a half weeks ago and Gabriel is basically rocking on his heels with anxiety, since Sam was supposed to be back since two days ago.

Dean knew he would have gone insane himself, hadn't Castiel accompanied Sam on his journey. A real journey, to the UK because apparently there was an angel with his lover (_Who was what? A demon, angel or both? Cas been a bit evasive, just what exactly Crowley was..._) who was better at healing than Gabriel and Castiel were and who had experience with apocalypses (_Plural? For real? So 'Sunday Dinner' never had been a joke?_).

It was a bit hard to admit, but perhaps Sam really needed a bit of space and time for himself. Or a second opinion. A person that wasn't so utterly biased like he and Gabriel were.

"Sam will come back, you know?" Dean told Gabriel, but avoided looking at the archangel, who had his eyes still fixed on the front door. "He always does."

Something life and experience had taught him. It was not easy, but after everything they had lived through, a bit of faith in Sam was appropriate.

"Yes, I do," Gabriel claimed.

Yet Dean doubted the archangel could think beyond anything, but counting the minutes and restraining himself from searching for Sam's soul. Dean hoped his little brother would come back, before he would have to put himself between Gabriel and the front door. How Sam found the strength to challenge, question, and irritate this powerful and ancient being on a regular basis, was beyond Dean.

For him, Gabriel had an erratic temper that he found better to stay away from ever since he had seen him fight.

(_Against Sam no less. Against Sam, who was possessed by Lucifer, enabling the Fallen Archangel to use a power he never wants to see up so close again!_)

Back then he had to, because he didn't want Gabriel to harm Lucifer while he was in Sam's body.

"Harming Sam isn't the problem, separating them is" Gabriel had answered in a voice made of thunder anguish. "I would kill Sam if I had to. As long as I could be sure it's _his soul _I would lead to Heaven afterwards."

To this day, Dean shivers when he remembers Gabriel's face at that moment. Gabriel would have done it, he would have killed Sam ... and bowed his head afterwards waiting for judgement. This was when Dean learnt that love (_devotion! this level had to be named devotion!_) could be dangerous. His own love for Sam did not reach these levels, because he didn't have the weight of the world to bear on his shoulders like Gabriel did. Like Gabriel was ready to misuse in order to ensure Sam's safety and the Messenger of God had millions of souls under his care.

In a moment of serious doubt, Dean wondered if the world would have been safer, had Sam remained Lucifer's vessel.

Since Michael and Lucifer had just proven how destructive the love of angel could be.

_I shouldn't be thinking this_, Dean tried to reign his thoughts, but wasn't quite able to. _This is Sam I am thinking about!_

And it was Gabriel just a few feet away, who had drawn his legs to his chest while his naked toes and bare fingers clutched into the leather of the couch like the claws of an animal would.

Dean had been a hunter his entire life and he would never be able to see Gabriel as something that was harmless. He might have promised not to do any harm, but trusting Gabriel in this and forgetting what he was and what he could do were two entirely different things.

_Just to imagine that Sammy fucks the same creature through the mattress that kills a dozen vampires with a snap and lets their blood rain down on all of us until we're drenched in it_, Dean's mind reeled in old big brotherly worry and added after a few seconds, _or to imagine that the same creature fucks Sam through the mattress after tearing a Wendigo apart with its bare hands just hours earlier..._

Uh. That made Dean's stomach turn a little. In the same way it did when Cas takes him somewhere via angel air. His mind and body simply rebelled against something so unnatural. For humans at least. There are borders that a human being shouldn't cross.

But that had never stopped Sam before.

Well, perhaps Gabriel had been right about John and his parenting skills. Perhaps Sam shouldn't have grown up so disconnected with the real world, never getting the concept of normal and always being stuck between the supernatural and transcendental since infancy.

Actually it explained a lot about Sam, when Dean saw it this way.

His besotted adoration for Jess. His literally addictive friendship with Ruby. His dangerous love for Gabriel.

The sensation of being watched, made Dean aware how lost he had been in his own thoughts ... and how silent the room suddenly was. Dean lifted his head and was faced by Gabriel's very golden eyes. Millennia looked back at him. It was obvious that Gabriel had been reading his mind.

"Do you mind?" Gabriel whispered low and intense. "Do you mind that I love your brother?"

Dean swallowed and tried to wet his rough lips. Gabriel's voice had just held the _hint_ of a threat. A reminder that this was a fight Dean wouldn't be able to win. That Gabriel could make Dean believe having another kid with Lisa would be a fabulous idea, that all of it would be Dean's own decision and that Sam would actually come and congratulate him ... only to be off with Gabriel, returning only for important holidays.

"No," Dean objected with the same kind of message Gabriel had used in his question earlier, just with desperation this time. "I don't mind. Not at all."

The smile Gabriel slashed at him, seemed genuine and made it creepier than everything the Trickster ever had bared at him. Now Dean could see that Gabriel learned everything from Lucifer, even the creepiness. But at least the devil wasn't able to conceal it, because he didn't look back on centuries of experience with humanity.

Hell, Lucifer would probably be proud of Gabriel if he could see how much his little brother had Dean freaking out right now.

"Awesome, Dean-o," Gabriel chirped happily and put his human-disguise back on before he suddenly turned his head to the door. "Sam is back."

Right at the next moment Sam waltzed in. He filled the door with his frame and the entire room with his presence, while the expression in Gabriel's burning golden eyes shifted from subliminal worry to open anticipation.

Dean swallowed and considered to back off completely before he could get stuck in the same room with Sam and Gabriel, while they had their reunion. The hut wasn't that huge, but the past months it had been bearable with Gabriel and Sam quietly living in each others' vicinity. Besides, there had been no sex ever since the looming end of the apocalypse had drawn nearer. Nearly bitter and vicious, Sam and Gabriel had fought when it seemed that the Yes was inevitable. Much of what had passed between the archangel and his brother had been lost to Dean.

So many little hunts and bigger problems to take care of, that he simply never had found the time to comprehend how Sam and Gabriel's own little universe worked.

At least they had learnt to love again, after Michael had taken up on Lucifer's offer.

In the time Sam and Gabriel had lived in this little hut far up in the Rocky Mountains surrounded by wilderness, they had shared more intimacy with each other than Dean had with anyone in his whole life. A part of him was jealous, because it was an intruding sight when Gabriel growled with in the back of his throat and opened the legs he had pulled up to his chest to give Sam the room he needed. Another part didn't want to know how either of them felt, when Sam kneeled in front of Gabriel, because it made kissing him so much easier.

"Hello Gabriel," Sam whispered to Gabriel's lips. The electricity that had seemed to torment Gabriel the last few weeks, circled easily through their bodies now.

But Dean could the see violent spark that threatened to emerge and he didn't want to _see_ … it reminded him too much of …

With a thought of Gabriel's knowing mind, the image of Dean Winchester vanished from his perpetual sight, leaving just a whisper of the human who once was.

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><p>Gabriel dug his fingers into Sam's neck and pulled him closer, forcing his lover to crawl halfway on Gabriel's lap. Since the archangel refused to relinquish his hold, Sam had to clutch at the backrest awkwardly to keep himself bent forward and his loins as far as he could from Gabriel's searching hands.<p>

For now at least, since he just arrived. He already started to lose himself to Gabriel's greedy mouth on his skin and his own hunger boiling in his blood was the response that Gabriel wanted to hear.

"I missed you," Gabriel said with care.

His voice was tight as he found the grip of his hands on Sam's hips with fast practice, not allowing Sam's manners to separate them any longer.

The need to take Sam's ass into his hands and knead it through the jeans was overwhelming. Gabriel wanted Sam to groan under his ministrations until he was gasping for air and sanity.

"Me too," Sam finally answered and his voice was possessive.

Gabriel saw images of Crowley and Aziraphale flash in Sam's mind and wondered what brought this up. Crowley perhaps ... but at least Sam was back and actually looked better. This was worth keeping his promise not to follow and check on him.

"I hope you didn't grow bored up here?" Sam wanted to know.

Gabriel answered nearly completely honest: "No, I didn't."

Both of them, Crowley and Aziraphale, had made sure Gabriel would stay away as long as they helped Sam to sort his mind. Aziraphale especially had been insistent and had explained gently the importance of a certain time of separation, if Sam wanted to get rid of the lingering remains of Lucifer in his mind.

Gabriel looked at Sam and considered for a moment to confess that he summoned an image of Dean into the hut in order to wring every bit of information out of him he had about Sam. It wasn't spying, not quite, but enough to keep his mind from stalking Sam and his last month caretakers.

But it would only upset him.

Dean's death had been hard enough for Sam. Finding out that he had been strong enough to prevent from being burned out and Dean had not … Gabriel wished he could have phrased it differently, but the truth was the truth. There hadn't even been enough of a soul left to bring back after Michael was done with Dean, brief and less intense than Lucifer's own possession had been.

At least Gabriel believed so. Perhaps Michael's concentrated will on a Lucifer that looked like Sam simply had caused Dean to sink into the grace that was even too much for Gabriel to comprehend.

Sam put his hands on Gabriel's shoulders when he felt the hot welcome back fire fade a bit.

"Everything alright?" he asked and settled comfortably on Gabriel's lap.

It's been long since he learnt that his weight didn't matter to the archangel. In fact Gabriel welcomed it. Sam was of the opinion Gabriel revelled in being needed and being _trusted_ with someone's need again.

"Nope," Gabriel replied and pulled Sam into a hug, "It never is, but since you're back now, I don't mind anymore."

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><p><em>Explanation regarding Dean: <em>

_Well, Dean is kind of dead. Certainly not alive anymore, but he doesn't know he is dead. When Michael used him as a vessel, he pushed the soul away / let it melt with his grace and when the fight was over he took the body with him, put it into a inter-dimensional pocket and forgot to return it. Dean's awareness on the other hand kind of attached itself to Sam. Gabriel can feel this, Castiel as well, but Sam doesn't and Dean is shys away from everything that could lead to the realisation that he's dead / not alive anymore. _

_I hope this makes sense, but it simply didn't fit into the story._


End file.
